Government to erect basilica in reparation for riots
Grievously pained by the numerous sins, blasphemies and outrages perpetrated by feral youth on the streets of London, we take comfort from the example of the people of Paris. That most excellent city erected the Basilique du Sacré Cœur in reparation from the myriad of crimes against heaven perpetrated by the Commune, and we do most heartily petition Her Majesty's Government to follow their august example, lest the worm of iniquity bury itself more deeply in our nation's heart. We request that Hackney Marsh be drained, and on it be constructed a splendid basilica, its artistic treasures serving to make generous recompense for the errors of the past week; every stained glass window making amends for the lamentable breakages of windows in Footlocker.
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